Precarious Life

"The body implies mortality, vulnerability, agency: the skin and flesh expose us to the gaze of others, but also to touch, and to violence, and bodies put us at risk of becoming the agency and instrument of all of these as well. Although we struggle for rights over our own bodies, the very bodies for which we struggle are not quite ever only our own. The body has its invariably public dimension. Constituted as a social phenomenon in the public sphere, my body is and is not mine. Given over from the start to the world of others, it bears their imprint, is formed within the crucible of social life; only later, and with some uncertainty, do I lay claim to my body as my own, if, in fact, I ever do. Indeed, if I deny that prior to the formation of my 'will,' my body related me to others whom I did not choose to have in proximity to myself, if I build a notion of 'autonomy' on the basis of the denial of this sphere of a primary and unwilled physical proximity with others, then am I denying the social conditions of my embodiment in the name of autonomy."

-Judith Butler, Precarious Life

Only Children Only

It's difficult, maybe futile at times, to tease out what behaviors and personality quirks are caused exactly by what. Formed by countless, obvious and subtle occurrences, prenatal givens, singular events, and continuous repetitions, we're a mix, a montage, a mash-up– works in progress. Only children are like everybody else. Birth rolls you a lot in life and you make do with what you get, test and improvise the rest, and hopefully continue to arrive at more than merely satisfactory results.

The skills, habits, and ticks that children develop in childhood as a consequence of their family structures obviously run deep. They form the literally innate patterns upon which all subsequent patterns are designed. This is why the shrink would like you to talk about your childhood, right? So, I am comfortable with the idea that being an only child plays a significant and often subconscious part in how I orient myself in the world, what I easily know, and what I need to try to unknow. As I get older, I more easily recognize "only children" in other adults. I see it, respect it, and I totally relate.

What I relate to in other adult only children is way cooler and beyond the frequently deployed grass-is-greener accusations of selfish, spoiled, or self-centered. The whole terrain of psychology, birth order, childhood development, personality, stereotypes, etc. is shifty business. It involves broad generalizations and inherently frequent exceptions which quickly devolves into a collapsed system of accusations and defensiveness. Not really the game I am interested in. Neuroses and bad habits are a buffet. Take your pick, help yourself– siblings or none. I'm more into honest accounting and generous assessments, with myself and others, a simple relaxed comfort in gently deepening my under-standings, welcoming the skin I'm in, the world we're in, and the woman I hope to become.

What I love about only children is the unique depth and sturdiness of our self-sufficiency, the intricately refined intelligence of our oh-so-remote little worlds, and the hilariously sensitive intensities upon which we develop and maintain our relationships. Other people and social interaction are necessary options, welcome, valued– but not an always agreeable norm. I easily default toward the consistency and comfort of solitude, my own reliable company. I crave companionship and demand privacy in mixed and sometimes unpredictable portions. My middle grounds, for better or worse, do not come very wide. Cat-like, I love attention, but only when I want attention and often I do not. But when I want attention, yes, I love attention! Only children develop a very low tolerance for boredom and have little patience for pretending something interests them when it does not. However, they have a way of holding their heads and attending to what does interests them, focused, deliberate, and self-assured, with complete attention, fully present and utterly receptive, vulnerably pressed right up against the very surface limits of themselves, senses open– but ready to turn and shut the doors with hardly a moments notice. When we are involved we involve ourselves whole heartedly. We adore with confidence and commitment, compassion and genuine enthusiasm. And of course, if something goes wrong, it is most certainly our fault, so we are very good at accepting responsibility for every event gone wrong, big or small.

I've loved it. I've hated it. I live with it. Still I have so much to learn from it. More often, I just want to laugh about it! train mama makes me laugh...

Your Cancer New Moon Horoscope

Mars joins Saturn in Virgo while the new moon in Cancer builds to a full moon in Capricorn. Now more than ever we may feel motivated to get things done by separating the distractions from our true goals and obligations. We find that we are capable of tremendous focus and commitment. What are you gonna do about how you feel? What needs to get done? If things start to feel frustrating check-in and let that sense of community service lead the way.

I'm home from the Philippines and the astrologist is in! Private tarot and astrology consultations are now available. E-mail me to make an appointment...
P.S. Your feedback fuels this whole endeavor. I'm listening... please let me know how it's working out on your end!

The new moon in Cancer (11° 32') is exact Wednesday, July 2 at 7:18 PM PDT.

Aries: Just say “No!” To what? Only you know the answer. Something is seriously stuck and the more of that beautiful love and enthusiasm you keep pouring into it, the more backed up things seems to get... Sucks. You’re overindulging someone or something and it just isn’t going anywhere. It’s getting funky. Don’t ignore what you can tell is true. You need some fresh flow into the system. Space. New actions. Creative re-direction. The new moon is drawing you home in more ways than one... Drink lots of water.

Taurus: Inspired much? You or someone close to you is trail blazing through life- alive and on fire. Feeling the summer heat, maybe? Run with it. Run with them. And write it down. Clarity is yours. All that energy combined with your Taurean strength and determination makes you nearly unstoppable. You’ve shed some old skins. And the new one feels good! Be sure you put yourself in places and situations where you’ve got plenty of room to shine, shout, and run, if necessary. If you feel challenged, that’s a good thing. It’s just a test and you’ll pass, colors flying.

Gemini: Time to count your pennies Gemini. Big money starts with little money. A new opportunity is looking for you. Are you ready? Healthy? The new moon wants you to deal with your stuff. Get grounded in the material world, finances, home, work, body. You can and should keep talking about it, of course, but you have to start doing something about it too! Make a move. The possibilities for a new kind of richness in your life are great! A little attention to the ground and the lightness and heights you crave will arise.

Cancer: Everyone loves a Cancer in season. Suddenly all the ups and downs make so much sense! All that time alone is actually drawing people closer to you. (In a good way.) And those weighty burdens maybe starting to feel and look a little like heaven on earth. It’s been hard work in your own watery way, but the results are showing beautifully. Don’t get too critical about it. It’s already a great improvement. And don’t go away just yet. You’re in a generous place and those around you need your special brand of love.

Leo: Sadness goes around. Tears and loss are normal and healthy. It’s the getting stuck and ignoring our feelings that starts to wreck havoc. It’s your turn this time, Leo, to shed a few heartfelt tears over something that was lost or didn’t work out quite the way you had hoped. Damn it! It maybe obvious or possibly hidden in those deeper, darker, less conscious places. When was the last time you gave those shadows of yours a look? Everyone who reads these horoscopes is automatically granted permission to cry whenever, wherever, and about whatever they need to- but you especially, great Leo. Your reluctance is not surprising. However, nothing will fall apart if you let go the royal duties for a moment and tend to your sadness with a few licks and tears. Also, nothing requires you to do it alone.

Virgo: Be sure to turn that tension into creative discipline and you’ll be fine. Better than fine. But it will take some alchemical effort on your part to turn things around. You’ve got a lot of energy at the moment, but if it lacks healthy expression, fights may ensue. Take that frustration and make it constructive. It’s possible that things are so challenging and volatile at the moment that you feel blinded by anger. That’s an opportunity to get in touch with what you really want, need, desire. That kind of clarity is a gift. Take it. Keeping your noblest end goals in sight are the best way not to lose perspective. Fortunately you have a whole network of like minded humnitarians to remind you what those are if you momentarily forget. Children especially.

Libra: Ah! Perspective at last... The big big picture has come into greater focus. Heaven and Earth. The Material and Immaterial. The Self and Other. Those irreconcilable differences are starting to find their just right places and the harmony you always work so hard for is able to emerge with even greater fullness. This is what you have been waiting for. It’s all about keeping that widest possible scope without losing any of the details you love. Study a river or lay back under a clear night sky to remind you, if you start to forget. But I don’t think you will. It rings too true and feels too good.

Scorpio: To everything turn, turn. How are you keeping up with the changes? Luck is everywhere, but it’s up to you whether to invite the good kind or the other kind. Listen to your head, your heart, and your body. When they all agree, that’s the opening you’re looking for. You’ll need to relax in order to trust. And try not to run over those closest to you. It shouldn’t be hard. Those folks are around you for a reason. They’re a part of your good fortune. Include them. Welcome the lightening of possible storms. Also women. They’ll provide good guidance. Ease. Patience. Intuition. And good luck.

Sagittarius: Anxiety just isn’t your color, honey. You need to change the way you’ve been handling your business. Feeling stuck, silent, and insecure is very unlike you. It’s possible that you’re making do with less and this worries you. Or you’re more reliant upon others when you prefer the certainty of self-reliance. You need to communicate clearer terms with your partners, employers, and financial backers. Make a list of the things you really need, as opposed to the things you really want and you may find the situation is not so serious. We love that you love to indulge the good life, but let’s keep it sustainable. It’s not really worthwhile if it you’re too stressed to fully enjoy it. What about indulging a little restraint, a little rest? You know- “Less is more.” Is that really true? Try to keep your wheels from spinning unnecessarily. What you want most actually doesn’t cost anything...

Capricorn: Well, aren’t you the creative one! The universe is on your side and even better– you are on your side. You’re finding ways to work well with others. Your balancing assertiveness with responsiveness and the results are awesome! Keep putting yourself out there. But also keep checking in with your motivations and best intentions. Make sure you’re putting out your best and not just the easiest. Now is not the time to kick back or lose focus. The point is to not get carried away and lose this magical chemistry. Now more than ever, that Capricorn discipline needs to keep pace with your ambition, so that all the work you’re putting in now will continue to pay off for years to come. When in doubt, wear green.

Aquarius: Party over here! Time to celebrate. You need to get all those wonderful people in your life together, not only to thank them and show your appreciation, but more importantly, so that they can thank you and show their appreciation, sending you off with joy toward the next big thing. Whatever conflicts stood in the way, no longer need to be obstacles. Either you’re over the conflict or have figured out a way to live with it. Regardless, you’ve arrived, you’re moving on. Both at the same time. Only you could manage both in the same move. Dress up. The world needs to see on the outside how cute you’re feeling on the inside.

Pisces: Hate to say it, but you’re maybe overindulging that really good thing. So much so, it’s not that enjoyable anymore. You need to know when to say when. It’s become a distraction and you could lose sight of the bigger picture. It feels good and you of all people deserve the good feelings, but... we need you healthy for what is yet to come! Moderation, please. Maybe a new really good thing just to mix it up. In order for that to happen though, you need to let the other indulgence go. Try letting everything go for a moment and see what that brings. Maybe now’s a good time to take care of the house...

Fun with Foucault

"I can’t help but dream of a kind of criticism that would not try to judge but to bring an oeuvre, a book, a sentence, an idea to life; it would light fires, watch the grass grow, listen to the wind, and catch the seafoam in the breeze and scatter it. It would not multiply judgments but signs of existence; it would summon them, drag them from their sleep. Perhaps it would invent them sometimes––all the better. All the better. Criticism that hands down sentences sends me to sleep; I’d like a criticism of scintillating leaps of imagination. It would not be sovereign or dressed in red. It would bear the lightening of possible storms."

-Michel Foucault, The Masked Philosopher

Jeepneys!